Arby’s Introduces AI-Enabled App That Identifies French Fries
By now everyone should know that all companies in the world have access to our personal data, because in America all humans are living and breathing commodities. If the Hamburglar wanted to steal your precious family jewels, or if Mr. Peanut wanted to sneak into your room to try on all your clothes, they could find your address online in seconds. But what about those who haven’t posted their information to the internet yet, like our kids and pets? How can companies know who they are, who they are doing business with, and who they need to go through to gain access to their tiny, uncorrupted brains?
The answer, of course, is through smart phones, which have sold us all better than any microchip vaccine. Now, most babies and cats don’t have cell phones, which is a problem for businesses. But their parents most definitely have cell phones, and as you may have noticed from Facebook, Instagram, or whatever site you have chosen to trade for your immortal soul, people love take pictures of their children and pets. Fast food companies, in particular, have already infiltrated their phones via apps, but to collect this lucrative information about babies / cats, they need to have access to their photos in order to be able to start downloading these cute smooshable faces to their servers.
Could this be the driving force behind Arby’s new “Field Guide to Fries” app, which uses an advanced algorithm and AI Technology to help people … identify different types of fries? In an email, Arby’s wrote that once you give him access to your camera, his app “will detect[s] what type of fry is on your radar ”, and will then provide its“ Fry Taxonomy ”classification, Curlius Frysius (Curly Fry) at Crinklus Potaticus (Crinkle Fry).
Will this premise be enough to convince people to sell their babies to roast beef? Probably. If you’re curious enough to uncover this potentially nefarious plot on your own, or if you really need help figuring out your fries, visit arbysfry.app on your phone. If you’re not ready to sacrifice your kids on the altar of capitalism but still want Arby’s to know where you live, for a limited time only, Arby’s is offering a 50% sandwich coupon to anyone who sits there. ‘registered broadcast list.